Sunday, August 31, 2014

Updated my website via GoDaddy

I seriously keep coming across things on my to-do list that have absolutely nothing to do with writing my next book and everything to do with being a publicist. *friendly growl*

That being said, I just finished up constructing my website, which is hosted by GoDaddy. It was easy and fun once I got the hang of it, and within an hour I had something I'm quite proud of.

I can totally see why authors, especially self-publishing authors become good speakers. We have to be authors, editors, publishers and promoters. Crazy skill set that I might have once this is all said and done.

It's been a weird weekend, but I'll save that for another post. Today... I celebrate the book being released yesterday and point you to my website to see what you think.

Tell me your thoughts???

I'm off to finish creating paraphernalia... Anyone need a part-time job?


Thursday, August 28, 2014

Deceived Preview: Chapter One

Well... I'm sitting on the precipice of hitting submit for the various uploads I've created for my first YA novel and thought it would be fun to put chapter one on here so that anyone interested can get a sneak peek.

Hope you guys are doing great and I'll upload widgets tomorrow to where the book can be purchased if you're interested. :)

Part I: The Broken Life
In a battle of wills,
of the gods of old.
For each his revenge,
will he forfeit his soul.
On the chess board of blood,
will their narrative play.
aged, innocent lives,
revenge claims her way.
Out of hate will come love,
and love will come hate.
For immortal and man,
have entwined their damned fate.

Chapter One

There was no moving in the moment. Her body afforded her no such luxury as swirling white mist covered the soft, green grass, giving her an ethereal appearance. Crimson danced against the golden sky as the evening moved in quickly, hoping to make way for its dark lover. Samantha gazed about her, trying to make sense of the familiarity she held with her settings, but failed to render her conscious with remembrance. The soft crunch of grass moving changed everything as realization dawned - she was no longer alone.

Her dark sapphire eyes narrowed, brow creasing as a figure cut through the dense, chalky air. He towered over her by a head or two and judging by the large expanse of his shoulders he oftentimes left the gym stained in his scent. As his shape continued to gain clarity from color and size to defined lines of a life well lived, the swell of anticipation grew at the story his facial features might tell.
As he drew close enough for focus, her jaw slacked and her eyes widened with wonder. He was for all intents and purposes a teenager, and yet by his exotic appearance, she guessed him to be a foreigner. Wherever he was from, he was simply beautiful. He stopped just before her, his gaze locked on hers, and try though she may words escaped her cry for assistance. His piercing jade eyes bore into her, dark orange rays stretching lazily from the iris, his skin seeming to glitter as if kissed by the sun.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

“For me?” Sam blinked in surprise, taking a hesitant step back.

“Ah, Samantha,” he breathed out, his brow creasing ever so slightly. “Same questions every time, my love. Shall I give you the same answers?”

“W-what a-answers?” She shook her head, attempting to draw in a breath that wasn’t filled with the smell of pure male.

There would be no relaxing in front of him for something was so very familiar and yet alarming to all of her protective senses. Brick by brick, her heart constructed a thick wall that would promise protection. He took a step forward and reached for her hand, but was a bit too late to infiltrate her senses as the wall was up and impenetrable.

She exhaled softly as their skin connected and instinctively let her fingers wrap around his as a sign of friendship. The warmth of his touch sent tingles racing along the corridors of her body and yet still the cold loneliness remained because she demanded it so. No one would ever penetrate her defenses again. Self-preservation had become her lifelong companion simply because life required such company. The momentary experience of loneness brought back her first memories of white-washed walls at the orphanage and the feelings of abandonment, leaving her empty, a wasteland of hopes and dreams.

“Still not ready to let me reach your heart are you, Samantha? I’ve yet to find you, my love.” His voice was airy, but deep; like resounding thunder after a storm.

“What do you mean, ‘your love’?” Sam retorted, pulling her hand from his and placing them both firmly on her hips, her eyebrow lifting sharply, “and it's Sam by the way. No one gave you permission to use my full name.”

Her full name held to many memories to a life that she’d rather forget ever existed. Only a few days old, her mother had left her in a shopping cart wrapped in a dirty yellow blanket. She hadn’t even given her a name. The people in the front office at the orphanage had to name her and just happened to be watching “Bewitched” at the time. She was abandoned in the world on top of having her identity aligned to a worn-out witch on a sitcom. The nickname, “Sam,” would have to do until she was old enough to have it changed.

“Of course, Sam. I’m sorry. You look beautiful. That shade of lavender against your soft skin and beautiful blue eyes reminds me of the essence of color that lingers in the sky just before twilight. You’re such a rare beauty and you’re all...all...” He stopped suddenly.

Wow, a stutter, go figure. At least he’s not perfect. Besides, when you look that good, who cares what’s coming out of your mouth? Sam caught herself before she chuckled out loud.

“You’re all what?” Sam asked, like a chicken with its feathers ruffled.

“And you are allllll-ways beautiful.”

“Thanks, I guess.” She started to relax a little, or at least let it appear as such. “Where are we and who are you?”

Not having focused much on herself, she glanced down to inspect what the boy before her was staring so intently at. Her breath caught in her chest due to the revealing purple ball gown that hugged the curves of her athletic body and created a seductive cleavage. The dress's hem skimmed the ground as shiny black shoes peeked out from underneath.

Sam reached up to touch her hair and noticed that it wasn’t hanging down long and straight on her shoulders in her usual style. Instead, to her surprise, it was wound tightly in a bun, stray pieces caressing her neck.

What the... I’ve lost it and now I’m standing in a grass field in prom attire with People’s sexiest man of the year.

“I’m Marcus. Marcus Greco and you know me, Sam. You visit my dreams quite often, but not often enough.” He shrugged and turned away from her, continuing to speak over his shoulder. “You and I have spent many nights tucked away here and when you go I search for you endlessly.”
Sam inhaled, flooding her senses with the musky tones of his cologne.

Hello, hormones.

“So, you’re the reason I’m in this itchy dress?”

“Guilty as charged.” He stopped briefly to glance over his shoulder, a smile touching his mouth. Sam was certain she’d heard heaven and hell applauding at the beauty that was Marcus.

“Sounds fun,” she said, a bit dazed.

“So, what do you want to do tonight? Dream up your best and let’s have a good time.”

Becoming more comfortable with the fact that she’d slipped into the world of fantasy, Sam decided to test the proverbial waters. She allowed herself the pleasure of engraving him into her memory first. Her eyes moved from his handsome face to his muscular chest, thick arms, narrow hips, and solid legs, finishing with his decadent mouth. A soft gasp left his lips, quickly confirmed by the shocked look on his face.

“Sam, what are you doing?” He moved a step closer, his voice questioning.

“Most teenagers in this era call it ‘checking you out.’ Which I have to admit is like going to the candy store. Such a treat.” She looked up into his eyes.

“Let it leave your lips, Samantha, say it. Tell me you know me. That you’ve missed me,” Marcus whispered. “Say it…. Come on, Sam...”

He reached for her hand, but she backed up, her desire turning into something bordering apprehension. Her internal struggle waged it’s all too familiar war as Marcus’s expression changed from one of desire to concern.

“Why do I have the extreme desire to touch you, to know you? Why do I feel that maybe I’ve already done both?” She glanced up as Marcus moved away, his shoulders sagging a bit.

“I’m sorry, Samantha, that was too forward. I just miss you so much.” His gaze lowered to the ground, as if he were a scalded puppy.

“Walk away, Sam.” A voice as warm as the summer sun caressed her from behind as the wind picked up, circling her body. It was full of excitement and comfort and it reminded her of someone. Someone she loved. Someone she needed and belonged to. And yet she didn’t belong to anyone... Did she? Her head turned slightly to let the words brush along the softness of her cheek.

“What is it?” Marcus demanded, walking toward her, his eyes swirling with mixed emotions. “What did he say?”

Until then, Sam hadn’t realized she’d been slowly backing up, walking farther and farther away from him. Confusion beat against her and beads of sweat formed near her brow.

Her legs refused to obey her silent command. Half of her heart longed to return to Marcus and the other half demanded she run free toward someone far more exhilarating. Her soul wept as the fleeing half of her persona won and she ran hard and fast until she could no longer see him.


The loud masculine voice resounded in the waking world, pulling her from a fitful sleep. Her body jerked upward, drenched in sweat; her heart determined to race its way out of her chest. A network of goose bumps laid claim to her skin as she shivered against the cold air of her dark room.

To no avail she tried recalling the details of her dream in hopes of shedding some light on whose scream had woken her. Exhausted and filled with angst, she flopped back onto her bed and rolled onto her side, succumbing to a restless sleep, the dream a vapor in the ether.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

WIP: Shallow Water

I wanted to share a Work In Progress (WIP) that I'm working on for a break from Soul Keeper now-and-again.

The title of the novel is Shallow Water:

Rachel Hampshire has always been on the outside looking it, never belonging in a way that gave her center stage, but all that changes when Zek comes to town. He's everything that she has always wanted to be and for once in her life fate seems to be taking notice of her existence.

Everyone's focused on Zek, and yet he only remains enamored with Rachel. Against the advice of her friends and family she moves with the nudges and suggestions of her new beau, becoming someone that has everything and ignoring the mounting costs associated with such success.

Perhaps Zek is not who he appears to be and just maybe fate had nothing to do with the new life given this lucky girl. Forces greater than she can image are at play just beyond what her eye can see... the question is - will she survive her rise to the top?


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Createspace - Paperback submission done!

In the insanity I label as brilliance, I realized that I needed to go ahead and work on getting my paperback version of Deceived uploaded to Createspace so that I could spend some time working on the formatting and perhaps even review a physical copy before my Aug 29th release date.

Although the createspace website is uber helpful and walks you through every step of the process, I am a hater of Microsoft Word (namely because of my own ineptness), and spent a lot of time yesterday reloading various files to get this page tweaked or that page tweaked.

The cool thing is that by today I'll have 2 copies of the book in my hand! One of course to check every page for formatting errors that yours truly made, and the other for my momma, who would beat me if I didn't give her a first edition - mistakes and all.

With that item checked off my list for now, I'm onto trying to discern which book bloggers to contact to see if I could guest blog, share a copy of my book and get a possible review. I found about 40 that I liked the other day that were taking submissions, and I've used excel (YAY CPA Stuff!!) to create a tracking log, focusing on the blogger sites that have the most hits, followers and who love the genre I'm writing in.

For all my new writer friends out there - what did you do to promote your book and how did it work out for you?

Hope your day is fantastical!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Random Scene Writing: Redemption

“Hold on, don’t let go.” He grunted, realizing he was losing his grip. The edge of the building he was hanging off of was more than twenty stories high.

Why did she do this? After all I have done for her? To leave me again.

The rain had begun to pick up and he struggled just to hold himself up, much less maintain his grip on her. But he couldn’t let go, no he wouldn’t let go, never.

“Just let go. You can’t hold onto me forever, Nathaniel.” She smiled. Her face showed no fear, but her eyes told a story of regret.

“No,” he screamed. “No, I won’t let go, I can’t. Just hold on to me and I’ll pull us up.”

His grip slipped again and he cursed under his breath. He flung his head back and screamed to the sky, “Where are you? Help me, if you’ve ever given a damn, help me know.” He knew he was skating on thin ice by flinging such an insult toward heaven's majesty, but he was running out of options.

I know we are at odds right now, but surely my prayers will be heard. I’ve done so much for you father. Surely you’ll answer, and let me save her this time.

He looked down into her eyes and she smiled again. “Always on your timing Nate, but He never left you. You left him. It’s time for me to go.” She twisted her hand and he screamed again, tightening his grip.

“I can get us both out of this. I can pull us up, there is still a chance; I can save us.” His heart felt as if it might explode.

“You can’t save me or yourself Nate, only He can save. Goodbye, Brother.”
She closed her eyes and jerked back hard.

“No,” Nathaniel screamed as she slipped out of his grip and plummeting twenty-five stories to her death. His heart exploded in his chest and ceased to beat. The grief was overwhelming.

He closed his eyes and tried to pull his own hand away from the ledge, but his fingers wouldn’t obey his command. He wanted to taste death, to meet her head on and feast on her promises.

“Is death so sweet you’d deny me release?” Nathaniel yelled at that the sky. The heavens responded by illuminating its breadth with shards of lightening and a great boom of thunder. Nathaniel closed his eyes to protect them from the radiance of heaven’s response.

“How dare you,” was the last thing Nathaniel heard before the warmth of the lightening penetrated his chest.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Virtual Book Tours, and Blogging, and Expo's - Oh MY!

I've realized that I don't need an external hard drive to hold all of my data, I need to figure out (quickly) how to utilize more of my brain... hello Lucy? (Odd, but interesting movie).

I've been researching the idea of virtual blog tours and I really like the idea behind them. Realizing quickly that I could hire 3 people to simply research blogs and create the tour, I've turned to a blogging site that seems respectable to help me put on a tour. I've simply sent them an inquiry, but we'll see where it goes.

For any of my author friends - have you used this and what was your experience?

Blogging is quite a time consuming thing and I find that I rarely get a response from anyone that reads it. Is that the norm as well? I guess in my own adventures I rarely respond on a blog unless posed with a question that I feel I can answer in a manner that might benefit someone, but it is odd writing on a site everyday and not actually conversing with the people reading it. I am quite dedicated to keeping this one alive and trying to remain focused on writing.

I'm far too much of an extrovert for a one-sided convo!

And onto Expo's... what can I say? They honestly seem like a fantastic place to be in order to meet the people in my local community and surrounding cities. Is it fair that I'm taking my teenager and a few of her friends to help me sell the copies of my first book? Having a large bowl of candy (chocolate) on the table doesn't seem like a bad idea either.

Anyone attended an expo and if so, how did it go??

So my head is full of information and trying to process it while starting a bookkeeping business, dreaming about a food truck (next years venture), writing songs and working full time, amongst a few other insane things, is nothing less than exhausting and yet - I'm super excited about simply having one person read my book and find themselves lost in the space known as fiction for simply a moment in time.

Hope you guys are having a fantastic day. :)


Thursday, August 21, 2014

Things I'd rather do than edit this book.... again

There are very few things that I deplore, but editing is one of them. I'm praying to win the lottery, not to pay off the house and the cars or to travel around the world, but to simply get a life-long editor.

I'm a mathematician and grammar is my nemesis.

So laying in bed last night, after running through my 15th edit of the book (I've had at least 14 people edit it with me as well), I realized that there are many things I'd rather do than edit this book... again.

1. Brush my teeth with superglue.
2. Tightrope walk with a bacon bathing suit over a pond of hungry gators.
3. Dip myself in honey and set up shop in a bear cave.
4. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro - upside down, nude.
5. Eat locus and wild honey for eternity.
6. Never sleep again.
7. The list goes on and on, but the truth of the matter is simply this - I'd rather do ANYTHING than edit this book again.

Good thing I'm done!!!

*Almost had to put 'large mountain' instead of Mt. Kilimanjaro due to spelling limitations*


Monday, August 18, 2014

Soul Keeper Theme Song

Uploaded an original theme song for my first book. Now I just need to figure out how all this trailer stuff works. :)

Check it out and let me know if you like it.


Sunday, August 17, 2014

Growing up with the Turtles

This past weekend I needed a break from editing, so I decided to take my kids to see the new Ninja Turtle Movie that came out a week or so ago.

Now, just know that I grew up with the ninja turtles, watched the movies, played the games and raise my little brother to be a hero in a half shell. I was a little concerned with them not being very traditional and yet...

The movie was great. Much, much better than I thought it would be. The back story for the mutation was fun and a bit of a twist, but fit very well.

You have to love the four personalities the turtles represent, Donatello being the brain, Michelangelo being the party boy, Raphael being the brute strength and Leonardo being the leader of the motley crew.

I have many fond memories of watching those beloved cartoons with my little brother, Brent and having to beat Disney World's Raphael off of me when I was a teenager as he realized my level of intelligence coupled with my awesome Florida-soaked hair. It was epic - at least my family seemed to think so. I still get picked at about that dumb turtle falling for me...

I digress.

Movie was great and the sound of little kid laughter mixed with adult snickers filled the theaters when we enjoyed ourselves reliving a bit of our childhood.

I'd recommend the movie - and pizza. *wink*


Thursday, August 14, 2014

SK I Cover Chosen!!

Well after looking at over a hundred covers for my first YA novel and taking a poll of far too many people, I've finally chosen the cover.

Might I say once again that working with the designers from 99design was a total joy and such an incredibly easy process.

The cover was done by Brand Design on the site and he spend countless hours and revamps of the art making it individual and specific just to me and my creation. The figures at the bottom were hand-drawn and his suggestions and help was just fantastical.

I've read this book what feels like two hundred billion times and yet I'm going through it once more before starting down the path of uploading everything. This is a process that is rather straightforward and yet it takes creativity, patience and loads of perseverance. Oh man I dislike that last word...

I'm looking forward in a few weeks to adding link here and at my WordPress blog ( letting my family and friends know that it's finally done and they can jump online and buy 10 copies.

I'm smirking with a bit of a sardonic smile just in case you think me to be delusional. :)

Without further adieu....


Thanks for taking the poll and wish me luck as I run through this project that is so near and dear to me once more.


Sunday, August 10, 2014

The Excitement of Choosing a Cover


For those of you who have kids, you’ll get this.

I’m wrapping up my last “reading” edit on my first Soul Keeper book and moving into working with 99design to have some brilliant graphic designer create a cover for the book. The cover, to me, is one of the most important elements of the whole project. It’s the advertisement. It’s the “come and pick me up and see what I’m all about.”

As a people who are visually stimulated and warped by “judging a book by it’s cover” this part of my journey feels extremely important.

It feels almost like naming my kids. The cover I choose will define my “baby” or work of art and draw people in or turn them away quickly. I went to a class this last weekend for something related to my job and the woman teaching it named her children Freedom and Justice and where I believe in both words in conceptual form, naming your child that just seems a little excessive.

I would honestly not be able to date someone with either name, call me what you will. Can you imagine looking for him in a crowded store and yelling out his name? Everyone would think you need rescue and a scene would occur every time you lost your spouse.

I digress.

Back to the book cover. These people on 99design are just incredibly talented and I could’ve have spent my money any better. There are several covers that I honestly love and would grab me from the soft whisper of the crowded bookstore to pick them up and check them out.

The level of excitement I felt last night getting my first few submissions and thinking to myself, “this is really going to happen” was quite palatable.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no extreme dreams of grandeur and am way to entrepreneurial to be locked down to just one trade, but to have my kiddo’s put on their shelves a book their mother wrote is something that really brings me a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I’d recommend 99design to anyone who needs some assistance in any form of graphics for logos, book covers, t-shirts or business cards. They do just about anything and the price is fair and reasonable. Great business model by them – just wish I’d of thought of that myself!

Choosing the cover – like naming my kiddos – exciting, scary and such a blessing.


Saturday, August 9, 2014

New Blog Opened

Hi my friends,

I've opened an additional blog for my books at wordpress. I'll still be blogging here, but wanted to drop the link to the new blog so that if you're interested in seeing my hopefully soon published works then you'll have a bird's eye view.

I'm looking at covers for my first book and have a link to that on my wordpress blog. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Hope you guys are well. I'm am more tired than I have been in a reallllllllllllllly long time.

Props to Jer for his coaching to help me move toward my goals of publishing!


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

The Power of Perseverance

I heard someone the other day say that anything is within reach as long as you're willing to keep moving toward the goal. I believe that complete and yet wonder why it's so hard to continue pushing forward.

What is this mythical, magical anomaly called perseverance and where can I buy a jet-booster pack full of it?

If I want to loose weight I must focus on the task at hand and no matter how hard the work is, how bland the food might be or how slow the progress is, the truth of the matter still stands - I can become thinner.

If I want to write and publish a book I must simply create a schedule by which to put my thoughts on paper, edit those thoughts and ensure there is plot, characterization, marketability with the current environment that we live in and then publish - I can become a published author.

If I want to start my own business I have nothing more to do than research and study the necessary items to get the new work up and running, hire a few people, advertise and smile a lot and then make money - I can become an entrepreneur.

Oh yes, I do believe that anything is possible, but all of these things are improbable without perseverance. (These things above are simplified of course, for the sake of time...)

Perseverance is defined as steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success. It means to push forward and never get up regardless of... any and everything I suppose.

I've put myself on a schedule to finish editing Soul Keeper, which I've renamed "Deceived - The Soul Keeper Trilogy". I will be done with it by August and hope to have everything up and running on an e-book format by the first of October.

I can see clearly that the only thing that might stand in my way is simply - me. Time is irrelevant because I make time for the things most important to me, as we all do. Money isn't much of a stumbling block simply because self-publishing is relatively cheap and I have a little extra money and could certainly pass up eating out twice a week to make this happen if necessary. Talent isn't a question but a matter of practicing my craft in a way that causes me to grow and change.

So the only thing that might jump in the middle of my plans and burn the whole thing down is my ability to persevere when there is no one or nothing really to achieve or praise to receive until the button is pushed.

So.... for those of you have pushed forward and persevered to get to where you are, or to have done what you've done, please, let us in on your well kept secret.


Thursday, July 31, 2014

I'm thinking it's finally time...

My novels have been sitting on the shelf for a few years and I feel my old characters yelling for release like the images of your kids stuck in your iphone from 4 Christmases ago. Time to revive them and look into this thing called self-publishing.

So many questions and with all the information available on the web, how in the world can someone filter through the crap to decide?

What's better? Createaspace? Lulu? Something else?

And once that is decided, how do you figure out who can help really get the flavor of your book on the cover of the novel? I decide on books initially by the what the cover says and what it doesn't say. I'm a writer, an accounting, a singer and dancer, but an artist - heck no.

And should the novel's be edited by a professional as I'd really hate for my first book (who most likely 10 people will read) to be filled with grammar errors and things that would turn me off if I were reading a book.

How much do you charge?

Is it really true that you need a platform to get people to recognize you? That you might have to blog all of the time? That sounds exhausting after a ten-eleven hour day at the office, writing a book, starting a church and raising a family. Anyone want to make some cash ghost-blogging for me? *smiles*

Regardless of all of that jazz... it's time.

I love my creations to much not to share them and though I'm a better writer today than I was four years ago (be very afraid), there is still so much room for improvement. So as I TRY to come out of hibernation, tell me my writing friends of old... have you self published and if so, give me the low-down.

Jer - where are you buddy? Love that Book II cover like you wouldn't believe.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Missions in Belize

We're starting out today on our first day of mission work here in Belize, and the team is excited and full of energy. The weather is a bit hot, but the rains are cooling things down to be quite bearable. The food is all fresh and delicious and the hotels are nice and cold!

We had a devo this morning on being the hands of Christ and spend most of the day yesterday in an extended worship service with a small local Methodist church. I'll be part of the VBS team today and will sing praises with the little kiddo's in this area, my best friend Rachel joining me.

I hope to find a renewed sense of simplicity here that I can bring back to my own life and perhaps even gain a bit of clarity as to how sacrificial service blends in with a heart on fire for God.

Pray us up for effectiveness in spreading the gospel.


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Scene Writing: Always the Same

The air smelled of sulfur, the icy road before me doing nothing to quell my curiosity as velvet colored smoke lifted in the air just beyond my reach. A soft coo of a nightengale lifted in the wind around me and almost gave me pause.

A warning? A welcome? Just simply a murmur from the small creature...

The wind picked up as the moon stole the audience of the night, it's irridescent glow giving life to shadows that neither held true form nor remained still for too long. My eyes wondered along their motion, my own dark twin walking close and shivering alongside me.

There had to be a reason for the demented dreams of late that stole my rest and yet thrilled the proposition of possibilities that took more definitive form with each night that passed fulfilled. It was always the same story, the same theme and the same dark figure that I knew was full of danger and yet endless freedom dangled at the edge of my reality as I lay asleep in my bed each night.

What seemed to always change was the setting. At times I was thrown in a frenzy trying to juggle the various effects of the dream that were tossed my way and in that activity I lost my ability to recognize that reality had run from the scene and I was left once again with velvet colored smoke and the soft sounds of midnight life.

He brushed my shoulder as he passed, his steps so very hurried and try as I may, I could move only as someone of languid intent might, my voice finding no depth as a frustrated sigh swept away in the swirling ether just beyond my lips.

A dark suit coat hung over his black slacks, his hair the color of night and his built and demeanor labeling him as important. He noticed me not, or if he did, I was left unaware of it. I tried to reach out toward him, but he was a noticeable distance ahead and the space around me didn't allow for conscious movement at all.

Frustrated and rather confused I willed my legs to move faster and yet the consorted effort awarded me simply with refusal. He stopped just before reaching a small wooden bridge that spanned the length of the rushing water below and turned to look at me, no... through me.

Sadness filled the confines of my chest as the emotion etched upon his handsome features spoke of loss and despair. He pressed two finger to his lips, kissed them and threw the affection into the night sky as if hoping that someone might catch it and cherish it again. Was that someone me?

I closed my eyes only for a moment, the rushing of a million wings delivered fear to my system and small bumps of chill covered my exposed arms and legs, the man long done without a trace as I managed to regain sight, my knees giving out before me as I crumbled into the waiting snow.

It was always the same story, the same theme, but tonight, it was a different character. Or was it? I'd never before seen his face and perhaps never would again.

Friday, April 25, 2014

How big is your box?

I've created a box with my thoughts and words.
It's walls pull closer in response to my can’ts, don'ts, won'ts, shouldn'ts, and no's.

As the enclosure squeezed my essence tighter and tighter. I struggle just to breathe.

It's a comfortable place to be sometimes - tucked into a reality that is the status quo. Never allowing myself to dream beyond the scope of my confinement.

How did I get here?

Did I put myself here?

Did you put me here?

Are you the one pushing the walls in on me with your thoughts and preconceived notions of who I should be? How I should act? What picture the colors of my life should paint?

Maybe another, but not me. You have no power over me. I am too strong and confident to be dented by your ignorance.

Ahhhh, but I did this to myself. For I am my best friend, my own cheerleader, my number one fan.
But I also am my own worse critic, my saboteur, my enemy - my box creator.

With each decision I make, whether visible to the eye, the box expands or contracts and there are days when I don't even feel its scratchy texture rubbing my nakedness.

And then, there are days where it threatens to stop my heart with it deadly grip.

Why did I create it? To protect me from dreaming, from living as big as I possibly can?

For I am worthy of greatness, destined to be remembered, deemed to change the world with my gifts and talents - called out to lead people with a heart big enough to love them more than they could imagine possible.

Ah, but the box beckons me to return and think of myself, only me in the box. If I stay here I will continue to walk amongst the crowd of other slaves in society, most likely including you and everyone you know....

But if I choose to, I can break free and make a difference, a difference in my life and yours. I have the capacity to create a different reality than the dark confined prison that I currently know and I set my thoughts in determination and stand up - shattering the flimsy fiber of that which appeared impenetrable.

I can breathe
I can live 

I love wildly 
I can dream 
I can dance 
I can sing 
I can be who I was meant to be - unbound.

How big is your box and why are you still in it?

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Year of Biblical Womanhood

My sweet friend, Naomi from biblestudy suggested that I read a book by Rachel Held Evans called, "A Year of Biblical Womanhood," a book where Rachel takes on a new challenge each month for the scope of year to follow various principals that the Bible makes note of (or does it) when it comes to women.

Being a bit of a theologian myself, I scoffed at first at the idea of reading something that was softer in narrative and not very challenging to my own walk, or so I believed in my stuffy pharisaical manner. Much to my delight I couldn't have been more wrong.

The biggest challege I faced through plowing through the 318 pages over the last two days was to not make 100,000 notes in the margins and claim the book as my own.

Rachel touched on almost every question I have as a woman, a woman who's been called into ministry, and answered it with scripture and grace, bebunking the fears that men and women alike have pushed into the forefront of my walk thoughtout backing or true support and yet we digest words as if they are truth and fail to seek the truth of Bibical words.

Needless to say, I'm getting a copy of this myself so I can write all over it and use it in the future when I need to defend my calling, my faith and my place in leadership against those who seek through the scriptures to defend that which that desire to defend.

If you haven't read this book - you need to. It is a fantastical journey for the Christian, the Jew, the Atheist and everyone in between. She bring humor, truth and reality into a perfect package and I for one was incredibly blessed to have been nudged to devour, I mean read it. :)

Good stuff.

Monday, April 21, 2014

To Write or Not?

It's been a long year away from writing simply for the purpose of telling a story and yet I miss it more than words can express. I have a few Bible Study ideas that I want to jump on, but a religious fiction just keeps nipping at the recess of my mind.

I love to write fantasy and fiction, to dive deep into a world that shouldn't exists and yet because God created in the image of his creative nature, I yearn to draw up something new and exciting.

A few Bible Study ideas keep moving around in my mind, but why is the action of writing so much more difficult than it used to be?

Why do I tarry instead of picking up my proverbial pen and jotting down just the first few words to chapter one?

Because I feel a bit stiffled. I have too many ideas and yet which do I focus on first? If I focus on any of them at all, am I taking time from other things that are more important?

What about my music? I cannot fathom that God would give me songs to write and yet not expect me to do something with them and yet there they sit...

To write or not is the question and when that one is answered... the next is write - on - what?